Category Archives: Humor

Primal Pizza Perfume Produced

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I am thrilled and at the same time horrified.

Love the smell of pizza but really, a pizza perfume?  When I heard about Eau de Pizza Hut, I thought the story was something reported by the “Onion.”  But there it was on Pizza Hut’s facbook page.   The post had over 500 comments and 8,575 likes. The comments, mostly single word replies, ranged from elation to sarcasm to insults.  Me?  I really don’t think I’m in a position to make comments without actually smelling the perfume and experiencing it first hand.

Funny Speaker on Pizza Hut Perfume.

Funny Motivational Speaker & Celebrity Chef weighs in on the new pizza fragrance.

Pizza Hut isn’t the first food fragrance. Burger King introduced “FLAME” in 2009. Not sure if it’s still around and don’t really care. Although I like the smell of beef over an open flame I’m not sure I’d spray or rub it on my body. This is how the fragrance was described by Burger King. “The WHOPPER® sandwich is America’s Favorite burger. FLAME™ by BK® captures the essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame broiled meat.”

The release of promotional perfumes are merely cute PR ploys to grab some media attention. But food smells are big business. There are companies that specialize in scenting systems. From the koolfog website, “Fragrances can be matched to almost anything including your favorite food. When people smell food they get hungry and subtle ‘suggestions’ through fragrance can help spur sales of almost anything.” koolfog produces scents like Apple Pie and Cinnamon Bun, Sage & Onion and Danish Blue Cheese.

I know that when I smell food or even hear someone talk about food I get hungry. When  Amy Wenham posted, “I WANT IT!!! Oh my god! It’s my dream to smell like pizza! I want to BE the pizza!” I had to stop reading.

Funny Speaker comments on FLAME

The FIRE MEETS DESIRE website is no longer up.

The Pizza Chronicles Part One

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•  New York Pizza – What is it?

Funny Motivational Speaker's Pizza Chronicles

A Hot NYC Wood Fired Pizza Oven in the East Village.

In New York we call it pizza. Outside of the City, it’s called, “New York Pizza.” All across the country restaurants are trying to emulate the style and convince customers they have New York Pizza. Impossible.

New York pizza is pizza you get in New York. Ergo, If you’re in Georgia and make the best pizza on the planet, it’s not New York pizza, it’s Georgia Pizza. Just being literal. Part of what makes New York Pizza so good is that you’re eating it whilst in New York. You can be in any of the boroughs and still enjoy great New York Pizza.

There are two classic types of New York pizza. New Yorkers are always on the go, even if they don’t have anywhere to go. Grab a slice from a front window and you’re on your way. There was a time in the Mid 70’s when I was living on slices that cost me 40¢ each. Yes, I’m that old. This New York pizza consists of sauce and cheese on a thin crust that is soft but not doughy. Just fold and eat and you’re on your way. They are cooked in ovens designed for pizzas in either gas or electric. The Blodgett Ovens I’ve worked with most often were usually set to 550 degrees.

The other New York classic is wood or coal fired pizza. This has an even thinner crispier crust that is charred on the bottom due to the intense heat. If the thought of burnt crust turns you off, stay away from an oven that can reach temperatures of 1000 degrees cooking a pizza in 90 seconds.

Although pizzas were sold in American cities with large Italian populations for years, it was Gennaro Lombardi in 1905 who opened the first pizzeria on Spring Street in Little Italy.

Funny Motivational Speaker

Vinny and Friend in front of the original pizza oven in 2005 to celebrate Lombardi’s centennial.

Lombardi’s signature pizza is the Margherita. The thin crust is brushed with olive oil, covered with a San Marzono tomato sauce and topped with fresh mozzarella and basil. I say YES to garlic! This is a simple pie where the fresh ingredients blend subtly and don’t assault your mouth.

Vinny Verelli’s Pizza Chronicles
by Funny Motivational Speaker Vinny Verelli

It’s National Cheese Ball Day!

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I can’t believe I almost missed National Cheese Ball Day. It’s too late to make something so I’m sharing a 30 second video I made a couple of years ago for pimento cheese. I mean if you held back a little mayo and squeezed the pimento cheese together you could make a ball.

Enjoy the video.

This is a really good recipe which you can read on my blog by clicking PIMENTO CHEESE RECIPE.

I Spoke Too Soon

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I may have to eat my words. And if I do, will they taste like bacon?

Humorous Speaker's Cooking Blog

Pucker Up

In my last video post I said, “Bacon makes everything better.”  I may have spoken too soon. The makers of that wonderful, can’t live without condiment, Bacaonnaise have been hard at work inventing other great products like; bacon flavored microwave popcorn, Bacon Lip Balm, and BaconLube, a delicious personal lubricant.  And they say America is losing its innovative edge.

"funny speaker" cooking blog

Insert Your Own Joke Here.

Keep It Sizzlin’
… the label says. I’d love to see the other side of the bottle where I could see the ingredients and get the nutritional information.

I love bacon, but rubbing it all over myself or other consenting adults is wrong on a number of levels.  I say wrong but my mind seems to drift off to images, images that disturb yet excite me.

And is that real bacon in the bottle? Won’t it go bad? What’s the shelf life? Does it have a “Use By” date? I’m troubled, yet joyous.

Could you imaging using BaconLube at the beach? You use to go to the beach and everyone smelled like coconut.  Now it’s going to smell like a rib shak.
But wait, it gets worse.

They Put The “Con” in Bacon.
You may want to send the young ones out of the room. Or you may want to get on the waiting list so you can be one of the firsts to get Bacon Baby, the bacon flavored instant baby formula.
The product description  on the J&D’s Website says, “Introducing Bacon Baby, an infant
Funny Speaker - Cooking Blog

This Little Piggy Went to Market

formula with the complex bacon fats and nutrients that babies need for optimal brain development and wellness.  The product lable boasts. “4 Nutritious Servings of Bacon in Every Scoop!” By the time your baby takes his first step he’ll be ready for his first Bypass Surgery. 

A brain food? Can you imagine if people were to run with this story.  Fish has competition, There’s a new brain food in town.  Chick Fil-A has been very successful with their fun billboards of Cow’s painting signs saying, “Eat Mor Chikin.”  The Baconnaise marketing campaign should use a talking pig that says, “Eat Me.”

A Love Affair With Fat

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If Georgia had a State food it would be Fried Chicken. Followed closely by fried okra, country fried steak and fried pie. Georgian’s love their fat. But it’s not just the South.  When the Republican field of candidates were visiting the Iowa State Fair, a new image was etched into my head.  Fried Butter on a Stick. And that sauce, a sugar glaze or mayo?

But eating foods high in fat is not unique to America. French cooking is notoriously high in fat. I worked as a charcuterie chef for a number of years in New York City and charcuterie is all about using fat. Julia Child’s recipe for Coq au Vin in Mastering the Art of French Cooking has you sautéing bacon in butter.  Yet the French as a people are not fat.

When I’m cooking vegetables I try to find a way to go easy on the fat. There’s enough fat in other parts of the meal, the least I can do is boil or steam, instead of frying my vegetables. Especially when using fresh vegetables right out of the garden.

This just in. Turns out the official prepared food of Georgia is GRITS! Really? Grits?
For a list of all State foods check out this link on Wikipedia.

Food Shopping in North Georgia

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We’ve had a lot of basil this year and I’ve been making a lot of pesto. But I can’t always find pine nuts at the local Ingles, which is 14 miles away. And when you do, a 2.88 oz. container is $8.  I’ll save you the time, that’s $44 a pound. They’re only $18 a pound at Whole Foods. Toasted walnuts work fine for pesto.

But for everything you can’t find in North Georgia there are those things you DO find in North Georgia.  You can find some commercially made (and packaged to last)  pates or terrines, but the “Locals,” don’t care much for items with French names. So Paté de Porc  becomes, “Liver Mush.” And if Liver Mush doesn’t sound appetizing, try the “Souse,” a meat jelly made with Pig Snouts.  Yum!

Head Cheese Anyone?

Liver Mush, Redneck Paté

And knowing that Souse is a merely a type of “head cheese,” doesn’t help my appetite.

Squash – a Very Versatile Vegetable

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I’ve been sitting on this video for too long.  I was waiting to get the “Chefs Notes” for the recipe recorded.  Hey, things happen.  So here’s the video and I’ll post the notes and recipe text shortly.

This is a recipe for a summer squash casserole that has gluten free and dairy free options.

Posted by Humorous Motivational Speaker Vinny Verelli